I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
