My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
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