You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I think your dad took our porno
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
