I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
