you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
