I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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