Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
that may or may not have been my penis.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
