a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
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Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
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Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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