remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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