i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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