u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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