I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
