I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
