Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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