Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
