Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I FOUND THE LEGS
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
