I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
