I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My cat gives me a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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