we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
