Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
