even my farts smell like vagina
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
