Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
