Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
