sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
