I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
