yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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