I wannas sexs uuuuu
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
