I must be too annoying 4 u.
i think i have herpe
just one?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
