with your own penis?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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