seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
