btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
