Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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