does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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