My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
