I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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