I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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