Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Randomize
