new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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