i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
