every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
