He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
