she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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