It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
that is very illegal...i love you.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
