It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
