I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Randomize
