rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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