i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
