not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
