I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
