I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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