I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
