I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
