just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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