i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
