he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
