Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
