i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just forgot I was standing up.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
