i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
