If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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