i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
