I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
