I want to make a zoo with you.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
