if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
