Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
