U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
