A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
