remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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