So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
