Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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