she was so not down for the gang bang
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
