just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
